America's Dumbest Criminals


Palm Beach, FL - Frank Singleton, a 21-year-old resident of Palm Beach, had just been released from jail after he finished his sentence for a trespassing charge. Right after he was released, the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office stated that, “He was no further than the jail’s visitor parking lot when he attempted to carjack a 2006 Nissan 250z.” The vehicle’s driver had just parked in the visitor parking lot. That’s when Singleton ran towards her and told her to, “Get out of the way,” then pushed her aside and got inside the car. However, he could not escape, since the car had a manual transmission which Singleton could not operate.

Livingston County, MI - Heather Quigley showed up at the jail with a document ordering the release of her husband. He did get released (when the time was right), but Heather is now being held. It seems she didn't do a very professional job of forging the release document and so was charged with attempting to effect an escape.

Pennsylvania, PA - Christopher Allen Koch, aged 28 from Pennsylvania, decided to rob a bank. He arrived at the bank around 11:40 am and sat in his car in the parking lot of the bank for 20 minutes. The robber didn’t read the opening or closing hours of the bank and was not aware that it closed at noon. He was surprised when he tried to enter at 12:01 pm while wearing his ski mask, gloves and holding a gun. The bank employees spotted Koch and wrote down his license plate number, which was enough for the police to find him. Koch was later charged with an attempted robbery and possessing instruments of a crime.
Tuscon, AZ – 56-year-old Leighton Deming and 42-year-old Thomas Marciano tried to sell a headdress, which they claimed had been worn by Geronimo, over the internet. Their ad included the wording "only serious candidates must respond because it is illegal to sell eagle feathers in the United States." Apparently the FBI was a serious candidate...

El Paso, TX – The Times reported the arrest of 47-year-old Dale Smith, who became violent in a bar, even brandishing a pistol. The hand holding the gun was attached to his, well, prosthetic arm. It-the arm-fell off.

Fort Worth, TX – Reuters News Service reported that a 17-year-old held up a Taco Bell in Ft. Worth and then ordered a chalupa. The police were there before his order was, and his waving a toy gun at the officers bought him a shot in the arm and in the leg.